I laugh at memes meant to fix my life.

I Google things I should’ve learned in 5th grade.

I don’t make mistakes. I make creative choices.

My resting face scares people more than my actual rage.

If overthinking burned calories, I’d be invisible.

My playlist: 60% sad, 40% aggressive, 0% stable.

If red flags were a font, she types in bold.

She came, she saw, she left everyone drained.

The caption said healing, the eyes said war.

Fanny’s peace era is pending approval.

Fanny types “LOL” and plots your downfall.

She’s emotionally unavailable but Wi-Fi’s great.

I wish I loved anything as much as my phone loves 1% battery.

I blinked once and suddenly it’s 2032.

Tried to be spontaneous, accidentally took a nap.

“It is what it is” — me, accepting another bad decision.

My bank account has joined the witness protection program.

I have gym membership guilt without the gym membership.

I take breaks during breaks.

I laugh at my problems because therapy is expensive.