Tried meditation. Ended up planning an entire fake argument.

My personality is 50% memes, 30% sleep deprivation, and 20% snacks.

If I had a dollar for every time I said “I’m fine,” I could buy a private island and cry there.

My favorite workout is walking away from problems I created.

Me: “I need a break.” Also me: Taking breaks from my break.

My brain is like a browser—19 tabs open, 5 frozen, and I have no clue where the music is coming from.

I’m multitasking: ignoring 5 problems at once.

My weekends are booked… with naps and snacks.

I tried being organized once… now I can’t find anything.

Me: staring at my phone for 3 hours, doing nothing productive

If life gives you lemons, trade them for memes.

I was born to nap, not to run apps.

I pretend I’m productive while rewatching old shows.

I refresh my feed, not my goals.

I write deep captions with fries in hand.

I binge shows and bad decisions.

I dream of vacations I can’t afford.

I make lists, then lose them.

I diet on weekdays that don’t exist.

I chew loudly as emotional release.