Me scrolling through memes instead of doing literally anything else.

My brain: “Go to sleep.” Me: Let’s rearrange our regrets!

Why do I pay for WiFi when it only works in one corner of the house?

Me: “I’m fine.” Also me: Googling ‘how to survive adulthood’

When your alarm goes off and you start negotiating with the universe.

My dog gets more likes than I do.

I workout… my right to eat snacks.

When your playlist understands your life better than anyone else.

I whisper to my fridge: “You complete me.”

Me in the kitchen at 2am like I’m on a cooking show.

Life is tough but so am I… after a nap.

My dreams be like: “Let’s mix your school, an alien invasion, and your ex.”

I skip gym but chase the delivery guy.

I socialize once a year, like taxes.

I pretend I’m okay, then order fries.

I have a PhD in making things awkward.

I don’t jog, I emotionally sprint.

I use humor as a personality patch.

I fake enthusiasm like a pro.

I schedule life around laziness.