I narrate my misery with background music.

I scroll like I'm training for a thumb Olympics.

I daydream like it’s a full-time gig.

I argue with the microwave timer.

I put “thriving” on silent mode.

I treat my phone like a therapist.

I practice fake laughs in the mirror.

I emotionally invest in fictional characters.

I bond with dogs better than humans.

I ask deep questions at the worst times.

I take jokes seriously and compliments as threats.

I run from problems like it’s cardio.

I trust people who love spicy snacks.

I survive on memes, iced coffee, and denial.

I eat like it’s emotional Black Friday.

I binge-watch confidence I don’t have.

I'm not short. I'm concentrated awesome.

I put the ‘pro’ in procrastinate.

I’m not arguing. I’m just explaining why I’m right.”

I followed my heart. It led me to the fridge.