If I were a vegetable, I’d be a “couch potato.”

Currently accepting apologies in pizza form only.

I eat fast not because I’m hungry, but because I trust no one.

Overthinking level: Olympic gold medalist.

I told myself I’d be productive… tomorrow.

When you smile at someone and they ignore you = instant regret.

Why be moody when you can nap instead?

That feeling when you type “lol” but you're actually dead inside.

Me in every group photo: Looking like a background character.

Trying to find motivation like it’s a lost sock.

Social battery = 10% and dropping rapidly.

When life hands you lemons, check the expiration date.

I comfort myself with “At least I tried.”

I lose weight every time I lose my mind.

I walk faster when I hear chips open.

I whisper to food like it’s a lover.

I write life plans in invisible ink.

I practice sarcasm like it’s a sport.

I multitask between stress and snacks.

I face deadlines like horror jump scares.