Wine moms judging vodka drinkers like they are not both drowning in regret

When your entire personality is I have an email

Motivation is a Nike ad but your energy is a sloth

Best resting place ever

I can’t even keep a houseplant alive

The real afterlife fear: someone finding your incognito tabs

Hydrate or drown in clown tears

That moment when your heart drops but your smile stays on life support

The peak of my chill era

Establishing dominance on the tricycle

Money can't buy happiness, but it can make sadness magically disappear

My brain cells communicating on a Monday morning

The pure, unadulterated joy of a surprise gift

Proof that dogs have an escape plan, always

Me laughing at my own joke before I even finish telling it

My childhood fashion sense was unmatched

My ultimate retreat when the outside world is too much

Trust me, I'm an expert in chaotic good

My past self looking out for my future self

Accurate representation of my daily schedule