I don’t snore—

I have a six-pack…

My diet plan:

I would exercise, but it makes me sweat,

I love sarcasm

She laughed.

“nothing is impossible”

I wish my wallet came with free refills.

I don’t go crazy—

False advertising!

I’d agree with you

people ruined it for me.

I have no idea where the music is coming from.

I have a face.

Worst two minutes of my life.

I hate it when people text me “Call me.”

I don’t always go the extra mile,

I tried to start a professional hide-and-seek team

I love long walks—

That’s where the "lies" go.